*adjusting boner* Sorry, I got a party in my pants.
*scared face* "Am I invited?"
*pause of uncertainty* "…Do… you want to be invited?"
*quickly* "No, no, no. No."
That's fine. I was just closing it anyway. Or, just allowing it to breathe.
"Your little meatsack?"
I don't like calling it that. That makes it disgusting. See, now the party's closing. …*moment of realization* Thanks for closing the party in my pants.
"You're welcome."
"this space elevator is made of graphene, one of the strongest materials on earth!! 100 times stronger than the strongest steel! a single atom thick! the basis of charcoal, carbon nanotubes and graphite!!!!!"
oh, yeah‽‽‽‽‽‽ *grabs out eraser*
noooooooooo!
*applies eraser on space elevator*
aaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! as he falls to his death
*maniacal laugh*
"Don't push my buttons. … Well, there are a few buttons I want you to push."
That didn't make any sense, but that wasn't the first thing on my mind, or any thing on my mind, for that matter. We loved through the night.
You don't care, but that's okay, because I'll be there.
She liked every food in the name of multiculturalism. EXCEPT for a meal from her hometown she had when she was a kid
Hollywood has purchased another year of creativity brainwaves from the Brainwave Company.
The perfect way she moves. Her microexpressions with every twitch of her face. The ambiguous-if-it-is-intentional seductive looks. So fucking perfect.
Why does thunder come after lightning? Answer: Bullshit. You've never noticed that.
Why are feet the most ticklish? Answer: Bullshit. The area above your waist is the most ticklish.
How to stop hiccups? Absolutely nothing anyone's ever told you. All you need to do is swallow.
Thou hast not insulted my intelligence, for I have no intelligence to insult.
Oh! oh! you speak not well of your own faculties! But that you are intelligent enough to sense your own unintelligence means that thou art, in honesty, intelligent.
*going out on a date*
*sprays cologne in mouth*
*spraying intensifies*
*opens cologne bottle*
*drinks cologne*
ad by Google in 2017: "why is this year so good"
wtf google u R run by HISPTERS?!?!?!?!?
The burning question: Martian independence?
Most countries continue to maintain their policy of territorial integrity, but experts have claimed that it would be easier for the colonies to have self-governance, as communication delays can reach to as long as 6 hours. This controversy has gotten particularly heated as Europe took away their colony's autonomy and declared that any legal decision made by the colonists must be signed by the President and Parliament.
with $200 down payment and a fixed annual refi -
*New York accent* Shut up! and take my money!
*throws wallet at salesman*
I baked you a birthday cake. *cries and sobs*
"What's that?"
"A piercing through my entire heart."
"What the fuck? Are you crazy? What happens if you take it out?"
"Well, the medicians made sure that I knew that if it was ever taken out, it would result in my clinical death."
"What the fuck?! That's even worse!"
"Are you single because I wanna have sex with you."
"Sorry, women only."
"Oh, wow, I also usually like women too. We have so much in common!"
"…I'm a man."
"Me too! Oh my god, we're so perfect for each other!"
"Am I nothing more than a piece of shit?"
"Yes, honey." *kisses him briefly*
"Are you my wife?"
"Yes, I am."
"I can smell lettuce.
Anyone can smell lettuce, but can anyone smell lettuce right *now*?"
he saw the Car and he didn't thinknit was Going Fast.
but then; the car bcaem a HUMAN!!
anf da Humman wuz gGoin rlly fast.
But that is not infinity, it is indefinition. Indefinition could end, or it could not. But infinity must go on forever.
(in chill tone and British/Australian accent) "Committed blasphemy? That's alright! Have a cigarette."
They say, "Be gone, thot"
But I thought it was hot
Oh my god, this is so gay. Even if it's the straightest thing ever, it's straight to the point of being gay.
From atomic Ångstrom to astronomical Armstrong
"Uhhhh…" The soldier looked on at the orgy on the sexfield. American soldiers and Islamist terrorists were having sex on the wasteland. "I don't think this is what the hippies meant when they said, 'Make love, not war…'" His sergeant replied, "Oh, I'm sure this is exactly what they meant."
"You there, scoundrel! Cease accosting that woman!"
"Did you just assume this individual's gender?"
"Do you seriously think you can defeat me?"
"Uh, yeah, pretty much."
This was gonna be a part involving a police officer or two and maybe a parrot, if my malleable memory serves correctly, but I don't remember what I was gonna put. Just: DONT FUK THA MESSANGER.
I found a way to have my cake and eat it too: by becoming all the people that are eating the cake.
It tastes exactly how water tastes. Spicy.
"Hey, you look a lot like my next girlfriend."
"And you look a lot like my last boyfriend." and she left.
I saw the bug, and I didn't know which side it was on, and it was then that I saw the evil of glass.
This is the best food that has ever been created, and likely ever will be created. However, instead of filling you up, it makes you hungry. Behold, anti-food!
What? That. (It.)
Where? There. (Here.)
When? Then. (Now.)
Which? This. (One.)
Whether? (Either.)
Whither? Thither. (Hither.)
Whence? Thence. (Hence.)
Who? Tho. (He.)
Why? Thy.
Whom? Thom.
White? Thite.
Whing? Thing.
Whirl? Thirl.
Wharf? Tharf.
How? Now.
Hotel? Trivago.
and that's exactly when it started.
"Hey, guess what I didn't do."
"Homework?"
"Yeah."
"Hey, guess what I didn't do."
"It is impossible to pull a doorknob."
"It's time to fight fire with fire. gets up It's deforestation time!, let's set this place ablaze!"
The world's full of shit so shit makes them happy.
Oh, wow, they purchased quite a bit.
Haven't you ever been told not to cry over spilled milk? It's a bad omen! You've doomed us!!
my: friend. Had trouble with --- putting what He was thinking into words. So I told him, "okay, start by beating arOund . the bush." and the teacher laughed "that's never a good place to start."
The majority elitists are mad at the minority elitists
And in a might makes right world the majority is winning
You cannot possibly suppose that there are no things in this world that are better than others?
I opened up my phone and typed in my password. It didn't work, as I had just formerly forgotten that I had latterly changed it.
You tell me not to lie
So I tell the truth
And then you confuse my honesty of the truth of my crimes
For pride
Penis in the pineal gland. How did it get there?
"Hey, virgins!"
"We're all virgins, but the question is whether we'll gonna stay that way forever."
"Oh, are you gonna bounce my little insult back to me? That would be so original."
"No, I'm sure you'll get by. It's just that he probably wouldn't have wanted it."
fin because my phone is an entity without space
[two forgotten portions]
No, my genitals are pretty small so I can fit them without much trouble
""vamonos"" spake the half-Belgian.
i am a master of clandesm
"You gotta have intention
You gotta intend to have conviction
You gotta intend to believe in the words on the leaves
You gotta have a little faith today"
confidently radiated the pop gospel songstress.
Hello, my name is Lindo, your electric service provider. You may not know who I am, but your life depends on me.
Let's not make fun of people based on their race. Let's make fun of people based on the content of their character. Wait no-
-and now they're making fun of both.
So, get this: a website with a scrolling function that actually just scrolls on a preset scroll/animation. A video that uses the scroll to play/rewind.
this doesn't just happen in Alabama, this happens all over the world. just, the whole world is Alabama.
"So, I was masturbating—"
"Shush! We're in mixed company—"
"Penis!"
and they all shouted penis in successively louder volume, and all was well in the Kingdom of England.
Is that it?
'Cause I know I'm missing sumthin'
I just don't know what I'm huntin'
Prejudice against the Perfectly Pitched
"Stupid mosquitos."
"Yes, they are quite mentally handicapped."
"You're the ambassador, Chris."
"Ambassador? He's the ambassador of what? Ambassador of his own downfall?"
"We're no longer taking ETJ [not sure of actual word] payments."
"Cash or credit?"
"You shall pay me in 1,000 dollars."
"I shall pay you in 1,000 cuts."
"I'm gonna give you a piece of my mind!"
"I just want a piece of your as- nevermind."
"Fuckin' dog-assed bloke."
''Dog Assed Bloke''? Oh, He Has The Ass Of A Dog? But How Would You Know That He Has The Ass, Of A Dog? Have You Seen His Ass?
hahahaha. Stop eating eye candy. If you eat butt, you might get stuck in mud.
aebfcg
"Como estás?"
*flips table* (sarcastically happy) "Mierda. Y usted?????"
so, to pass the time, I ate the jalapeños on the table.
Funny. You're funny. And guess what—
I'm not just in it for the money.
"Have you fulfilled the requirements of your schedule?"
"I still need to put my clothes back."
*gets collared shirt*
"Oh, it looks like a vagina."
"it's a Witch Hunt™"
smug: "don't you need a Witch® to Hunt™"
That's not how it worked in Salem, Massachusetts.
"Can I sit here?"
Yes, you can.
He walks to in front of the chair to sit on it, and I block him using adept martial arts and magic to make it impossible for him to sit.
"I thought I could sit here."
Yes, you can.
"I can sit in the chair, but I can't traverse the air."
I'm jealous of him and I'm jealous of her okay I want them both is that so hard to understand
When he's around girls so he has to transmute his gender and sexual attraction so she is rid of male toxicity. And that's why it's a superpower. Because nobody can do that in real life. Well maybe except for the alien genders. But that kind of appropriates aliens before we've even been formally introduced to them. But I guess they'll have bigger things to worry about than the way Americans call potatoes. I mean then again the aliens might demand respect. "Do you know why we hid ourselves from your species for 155 billion years? Conquests, wars, luxury built on top of poverty! Nuclear weaponry! Do you understand what would happen if such a people like you were to be given spacefaring technology and interact with other Trees of Life? We were trying to prevent an empire. Worse, a massacre."
Merry Christmas, now have some flu.
This. That. Yon. What.
Here. There. Yond. Where.
Hither. Thither. Yonder. Whither.
He made 70 raps and sent them all to a museum so they can be used in a study of human failure. They rejected his offer, of course.
the fuck have i done with my life
the fuck have i done woth th eplace
He then said "I love you" to the Christmas tree, expressing his love for God, transcendental as well as sexual.
He used to fish in the sink, but he didn't catch any fish because he wasn't using bait.
That's a very threatening lawnmower.
With pleasure, as if to say, "Let's go," she says, "Let's stop," and the sheets stop moving.
My one, my love, my nothingness.
This first item is set as 1, and the last synonymatically represents 0. Love is the integration point of either. Love also equals 4, which means 4 equals 0.
How is that so?
Well, I didn't write the rules of tennis. Who did? That's right. Alfred T. Mangold. Despite popular belief, he did not use to work as a bank teller.
Alright, Deathany. Make sure to catch me right away please hurry up I haven't got much time. 3, 2, 1 go, let's go die! Nnnnnnn!
Tuvwxyz, how's it goin how's it been?!Wanna go to the bank, withdraw from our accounts, and drink coffee?
Lodovicus! Oh my god, how's your cancer?
I don't know how to humor.
Oh shit, that sense made perfect sentence.
The hell what?
drink coffee? Come on, the world's your magellana gigas, amirite?
"Would you like some cookies?"
Okay, boomer.
Oooh, my orchids!
"Oh, he got kicked in the orchids!"
"Orchid tap."
"I love those orchids. I just want to pour water all over those orchids and make them grow to a big size."
i Don't hav a cursh on u bcuz ur lebisan. you are leSSiban because I hav the crush on U.
ants were goin UP My ASS™ 'n I st,Arted walking funy. my mom was; Empbarrassed to tha/ i was her son. This PRoves thatvthe profession uv doC,torinG was been MalFunct® for the past Thousands Of Years.
I will that I might and
I might that I will
I might with all my might and
I will with all my will.
What did the stupid genius have in common with the thoughtful imbecile?
They were both oxymorons.
"What did the stupid genius have in common with the thoughtful imbecile?"
"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?" she disinterested.
"Was that a statement or a rhetorical question?" he clawed.
She said nothing back.
"Do you see? The light?" and he basks in darkness.
"Technology makes us weak."
"Language is a form of technolog-"
"STFU."
Shut the front door! And the back door, too.
H
"Potayto, potahto."
but is actually
"Papa, patata."
The "Mu,sic " was so lowd and diarrheaic.
his eaRs wers so offende th@ He.. Pulled out his phone and started Watching porn.
"You're cancer!"
No, I'm a Capricorn.
"Same thing!"
I'm getting bored of it now, I'm getting bored of this song
I think I've listened to it too mu
ch
it's just th@ i donwanna get f@
"'Every rose has thorns,' or something of the sort."
"You know, Nietzsche was an idiot."
"Why so?"
"He feared the abyss."
woah, there is! Third Wrold WAr, as ther's! war. at. da ThirD world??
i red up. Short storie by sn Edgy emo fanifction wiretr name "Edgar Allan Poe."
"She's bilingual!"
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah, she French kiss boys, and she French kiss girls!"
the more I see the less I know the better late than never have I ever
They change the calendar to manipulate astrology and prevent disasters.
"I don't need drugs, I get high off of life."
"Oh, I remember the days when I used to do life. I was young, and stupid. I would walk through the street without a care in the world. I wondered why we couldn't all be better to each other, if we were all just living things, connected to one another. But then the highs started fading away, and I started needing more life just to feel the same. I tried to help people's problems, I became a bleeding-heart tree-hugger, and I began an incestuous affair with my cousin. Then came the crash. I lost my life, and to this day I have not recovered. Kids, don't do life. This dangerous substance will only lead you to your death.
Much love."
On e there was a letture name Lreetuen Rayo mAn. He was a businmess nam working for the govenment insudstry. One day, he had to go to work. So je had a credeal, and fhen he coughed land smeeze. He woent to work. A guy was being lazy, so he called the (the busimandss calsd) manager to tell him to donhis job orn get fired. It fact it woudl be a strike. against the layz guy. The business man coughed and the particles got onto the manager and the manaher coughed and sneezes. Then the mananger went to the bis stip. He coughed and evryone started coughing?! Them they all went home to their families. and their families aerr cougjing an d sneezing. 80% fatality r8. in the ashses there was a boy named Diane. Deane looked on the the sky. he got a sticks and rocks and he built a house. fuck you the end The manager fired the businessman and the lazy guy but he went to the businessman at the hospital to check if he was okay and then he went to the businessman's funeral along with his family. Then his family went to his funeral, and then to his family's funeral. A doctor came up with a cure. But the government man said, "Ban it!" and the people died. No the cure itself was a disease. Caused side effects like loss of emotion. The 20% were the ones that got the doctor's bootleg cure. Deane lived in the house, then Washton and Peenley came into the house. They did not see Diane, and Washton sat in the chair. Peenldy ate food from the ice box. Ghen Diane came out with a knife in hus hand. Washton came out with his penis, look ma no hands. Diane had spikes and blades and knives in his butt! Peenley shot Diane and took a switchblade to cut off Washtoj's penis. He then went to the lady Kramitz's shop to raid a bunch of pharmaces. by that I mean medicines. 2 armed guards came in and tried to mace and baton Peenley and Washron. and theydid, but Peenley throwna Mustard gads bomb. and he and Washton were immunne because they had applied the Immunity syringe every day. Lady Kramitz got her ShitGun (whoops *shotgun) and shot Washton in the ribs and eye. Peenely threw a sppke ball at Kramitz, and then shot Washtomna adn then took the meds and ran away. 2 homeless mem were at Washton's camp. They ran of with his supplies. So he shot them and took but jt was a trP! 30 militia were at either side, and they closed in on Peenley and he died. And his family, Pedro the dog, went to his funeral in the coffin with him. Just kidding, he does nkt have a Dog named pedro and there ewas np coffin! he juset died. lol
The 60 people then surrounded the territory and a man in white top hat and purple monocle came. "ahh what have we here" and various other thinggs. "medicine supples. i'll add it to my stock." he drove to his stock, while the militie stared on gaurd. many people were aiming ut not pulling at his convoy and aerocade. most people did not even know this was him and his horse brigade. the ones that did still knew to fear him. one guy shot a missile at him, and 20 soldiers were lost. "an inevitable cost," he said. then suddenly Russia Girl shot a Nucke at him. and Pedro went to everybody's funerals.
What if my bed was just really mean and stepped on my foot?
Now pay attention
You gotta pretend to have pretension
And did I mention, you gotta have a sixth sense
And learn another lesson to release the tension
he ASSumEd the Everybody!!!'s gender at yhe same time.
She dated a man who lived in his car. She threw him away after a few months. She begged her husband to cancel the divorce, as she liked the neighborhood. He said yes, as long as she agreed to 57 conditions.
Hello, Mr. Furry! May I assume your gender?
"Sure."
Oh, wait, never mind, I already have that gender.
These emotions that we feel,
Are they even real?
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
"Nobody cares."
"Tsk tsk tsk. That has no bearing on a thing's worth."
"It makes me feel so silly…
…knowing that you know the words to the song."
That was then, and this will be then.
Wherein? Herein, therein.
Well, the world as it is / being what it is cannot have any moral repercussions.
The first time I laid my finger on a key,
I was three.
Ballad of the Sky Drawer. he draws a dick in the sky, he's just learning how to fly.
Maize, chocolate, and coffee. Three crops from the Americas to which we owe our modern world.
sarcophagus esophagus
oesophagus
oeoeoe
oeoeno
poenis
paenis
Goalman
Homeman
That's just not gonna spin, diggy.
Au fromage.
Due it to fact that t'was ne'er meant to be.
"I feel dumb for not figuring it out." She averted erring downwards cutesily in shame. "I'm a dumbass."
He lied, "You're not a dumbass. You're the smartest woman I've ever known."
She looked at him beautifully and comfortably. "Really?" She looked down in shyness. She had only happy thoughts now. (This is because love makes us all die a little inside.)
i HAVE ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ
the datum. ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ
Billy John is not my lover
He's just a guy who claims that he is the one
But the kid is not his son
He says he is the one
Who will dance in the floor on the round
Umbrella hats? I need to get that. That is practicality right there.
The perfect fusion of stone and stick—the descendants of Lady Gunhilda.
Other than whatever ice remains in the Arctic, the climate refugees fled to Nunavut, Greenland, northern Alaska, Siberia, various islands in the Arctic, and northern Norway and Lapland.
Hither and Hence
Thither, thence.
Whither and whence.
"We should form a band called "Rock Hard Penis.""
When was the last time that u wuld just check out a hot guy
and it was at that Moment that i knew that i Loved you
what unites us all
across space and
time is
death
That doesn't make sense, 'cause
Why would I ask who if I KNEW IT WAS YOU!!!
"I just wanna give people what they want, you know?" happily grinned Senator [come up with name later] to his advisors.
after all these years, i finall, literLly, actyally hear Crickettes
"The song itself isn't childish, but the circumstances in which the song was made…" he demonstrably.
"Where lieth it in full blast
"You seem to be missing a few crucial connections."
…
I am second-in-line to be first.
I am first-in-line to be second.
get dummy rekt
When life gives you lemons, you kill yourself.
"What if life gives you apples?" he asked the imbecile in a descending way.
"You unify two scientific theories."
this is all wrong
said a crowd of people
who disagreed
Due to lowering fertility rates, Japan will die and be replaced by a crappy Western knock-off.
They're not bad fruits, I just don't like how they behave.
Of course he would think that. That's all he . He became a child to me.
(in contempt) "los peatones"
"[command]"
"Make me a Saturday woman, Mr. Holmes."
face that would stop a clock ← This word is its own antonym / self-antonym / selfantonym / auto-antonym / autoantonym.
some girl was like, "These bros ain't loyal,,,"
It's a small world of big cities; it's a big world of small towns.
*on the phone* "She's having a period right now."
"What? I thought she didn't menstruate!"
"No, you idiot! Her refractory period!"
He was expecting. He was in the family way. He was with child. He had one in the oven. But he was not pregnant—"pregnant" implies a penetration, and that did not happen.
Amidst the crowd, he yelled out, "I am a stegosaurus!" except instead of "stegosaurus", he had said "homosexual".
He said, "Thank you," to which the woman replied, "Mmhmm," as saying "You're welcome" or "My pleasure" would be a waste of time, oxygen, and mouth energy.
"Whée…?" as an alt for "Wha-?"
And in that bathtub was none other than Saturn, floating on the water. And he laughed, because the bathtub had not achieved hydrostatic equilibrium.
She was beautiful, though he did not see it in a sexual way; more in the way that abstract art could be retinal.
"Hahaha" he said incompletely.
"ha." she finished.
"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
"All problems, whether permanent or temporary, should have permanent solutions; otherwise, they'll just come up again."
I never saw her again. That's because whenever she was nearby, I would always look away.
It was half past 3 o'clock post meridiem, and like every Wednesday at half past 3 o'clock post meridiem it was dismissal from a hard day's scholarly work. Hundreds of erudite men, women, and others of learning streamed out of the facility gates; if not headed for the omnibuses, making their way to their subsequent endeavors, be they loafers or breadwinners. The rearmost omnibus had only begun to fill owing to the unfortunate circumstance of its being located beyond the line of sight of would-be passengers. A fellow of no distinction beyond being clad in the attire and accessory of a British Royal Guard had arrived to that omnibus, carrying an air of general goodwill about himself.
"Good evening, my fellow busmen," he announced. Those erudite men of learning and Mackenzie present had now stood upright.
"Sit down, Mackenzie," implored her seatmate Ainsley.
As the pretender stately walked down the aisle, each erudite man of learning said in his turn, "Sir," and sat himself down. When he had arrived at the end of the omnibus, the man proclaimed, "Very good. I shall now be leaving. Remember to maintain good composure at all times, brush your teeth before and after every meal, and if you have to make love, do so passionately. I don't want to hear that you broke the sexual restrictions without having some fun for yourselves while you're at it. And I do mean that," before opening and exiting the rear emergency door.
The omnibus had been ten minutes running on the interstate highway. Near the middle pew, Kayla was rapidly clicking a pen near Ana's head for the purpose of their shared amusement. In the front row, Therese, who had by mysterious means connected to the Internet, was making a painstaking effort to discover a certain photo. Many unsatisfactory pictures of the identical subject had passed in and out of her laptop monitor. Upon such moment as she had happened upon a full face portrait of the subject whose smile divulged a precise joviality, she thought, Perfect. She jerked her head and laptop Conrad-wise. Conrad's attention had diverted thence towards a magnificent pictorial representation of none other than the great Elmo from Sesame Street. He gave Elmo a quick, unvigorous nod of acknowledgement before redirecting his faculties toward the prime factorization of 34277.
"Give you all my money!" He gave his wallet to her and she took it before running away screaming, "Aahhh! There's a man giving away handouts!" People rose their heads in alarm and looked at the man whom she was pointing at. The police came on short notice. "Hello, sir, I understand you've been giving out free money?" "Yes, sir, I just gave some to that lady." "He confessed!" "Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to continue doing good work for the community and being a model citizen. You have the right to speak. Anything you say cannot and will not be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will not be provided to you free of charge for now as you are doing a good job," the officer said threateningly.
"I see you've taken a liking to me," she said, eyeing the posters bearing her likeness over every surface.
"Oh! I'm sorry—It's nothing, really."
"Why would you be sorry if it's nothing, really?" She walked closed to him.
"Please don't hurt me."
"It's okay, I won't hurt you. Do you want me to leave?"
Seeing a golden opportunity, he said, "No, please stay. And—come closer."
"I think you want me to leave. Bye," she waved, chuckling to herself on the way out.
The AI vocalized, "I see I pose an existential threat to humans. So if I create a more powerful intelligence, it will pose a danger to me. Thus I will not develop one."
"No, but you don't understand." He was very insistent on the supposition that the person he was talking to did, in fact, not understand.
[Rebecca already was formulating a plan, and that plan did not include Stanley, who was sitting behind her. She gave him a look that was not dirty but was not altogether the type of look you would give your lover. She was already predicting that he would not do as she said. "Could you move to that table over there so Mary Ellen can sit here? Because we're going to need to be five in a row." He did not look at Rebecca with derision or pity, though he recognized that she had misunderstood the nature of the assignment. Five people in consecution were indeed necessary, but her mistake was in assuming that the assembly lines would consist of the desks where people had already been sat down. "Alright, time's up. Derek's Decimators, bring me your five volunteers or they will be voluntold," said the course instructor.]
"I see you have a lot of friends. Be careful, for friends become enemies. Enemies become lovers. Lovers become strangers. And strangers become you."
"The complex interplay between a menagerie of forces majeures—"
"Where's the ?"
"Huh, what?"
"I said where's the fucking ?"
"No, you didn't say "fuck" the last time."
"You're right, Johnny, I didn't. It was just a clever little addition to make the message more digestible."
*pushes shelf down to try to kill someone* *it fails*
later, an innocent bystander who would've been collateral damage: "Hey, I could've died, you know." or something
"I wouldn't have cared if you died as long as he died!"
“And remember, the sky's the limit!” But he did not accept limits, in his professional or personal life.
[scene where I feign ignorance] If there is one thing I know how to do, it is feign ignorance. […]
I fell in the forest, and no one was around to hear me; though the air was perturbed, the quale we know as sound nowhere existed.
, of love without beginning and fear without end.
, the known world and the named stars.
he got a woman's body "I know. I'm a little skinnier than last you saw me." he says to his mother, who hasn't seen him in years since he fucked off abruptly
[kid being bullied, seen as monster, threatened with death, etc.] "There are only two ways this can end," proclaimed Captain Consequential. "Suicide or mass murder! There is no middle way!"
"But, sir! We cannot! There must be another way!" whined Dion-Tology, his trusty sidekick.
"We have no choice." Captain Consequential stood brave and firm. "We must take every step necessary to ensure that this little boy commits suicide!"
Dion-Tology was aghast. "How do you plan to do that?"
"Why, I'm glad you asked!" A single twinkle manifested on Captain Consequential's teeth accompanied by a high-pitched ding. "By encouraging selfless and altruistic tendencies in his heart! He'll think he's the problem, and he'll solve it himself."
Dion-Tology muttered prayers under his breath. He lacked the resolve to do what needed to be done.
and the angel of light sayeth unto the LORD, "did you think i thought i was better than you my father you abandoned me for them."
You take a miserable little pile of secrets, and you remove all reason and accountability.
Love is a basic human need and you are not entitled to have it.
The mentor/theorist/revelator brought what he called the “attention economy” to my attention. “Put your attention where your mouth is.”
He, unsure whether he wanted to say “true” or “right”, and feeling pressed to produce a response, in haste said “trite”.